The Death

I don't know where to start all this... I am glad that this year will be our 4th year anniversary... However, things are not falling into the right place... We kept arguing about the same thing over and over again... You don't know what a suitable action to take until you really, really cannot cope with it... So,early this evening, for the first time I've been seriously asking for a break up... It's not because of the difference between us... It's not about I found another man... And,it's not about me getting bored of you from time to time...

Before I tend to forget all of our sweet and meaningful memories, let me put them all in words,so that I can always come drop by here and read it,even though if it has to be over and over again... I will never get bored of it because I never get bored of you too... I want you to know that I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH than my own self... I want you to know that you're the biggest thing happened in my life... You shined my life, you gave me a new hope whenever I'm in a dark clouds... You poured the rain when I'm in burning fire... You are my man...

I remembered the first time we met... It was so funny when our friends tried to matchmaking us... Both of us were embarrassed by every joke they've made... I remembered the first time you asked me for a date where it started with a dinner... Then,we started to meet regularly as our house was just nearby... And,the most amazing moment was that when you sang me a song from Indie Band at the stairs outside... I missed that moment... And also,thank you for driving me to the the bank when my car broke down... Thank you for taking care of me too... Coz you always volunteered yourself to accompany me to McD Drive Thru,even at 3am in the morning - you will choose to have Apple Pie,your fav (we both know we have classes next morning) - Something I couldn't just forget...

I remembered when I was busy doing my assignments until I forgot my lunch and dinner time. You came, standing in front of the door,knocking it,with the food in your hands... You said that was for me since I haven't eating yet... How sweet... You made me fall in love with you by doing all of things that I never expect would happened to me... Thank you for that... Not just that,you were the one who again volunteered yourself to accompany me when I'm about to print my assignments... 

And,when I get sick or even headache,you came with medicine and koyok and minyak kapak... I remembered when I was suspected to have Illness Like Influenza (ILI) you were the one who lifted me up from level 3 to your car,because I am not be able to walk... You drove me home... You took a good care of me,no matter what... 

And,I remembered during that time,you will hold my hands no matter where we go... It was like you were proud to have me by your side... There were times you touched my nose and ran your fingers through my hair... I must tell you that I love the way you ran your fingers through my hair... I felt the strongest of love feeling from you whenever you did that... 

I remembered when you were working part-time at Burger King Shah Alam,you were willingly came to my house just to see me... I love that effort you made... I remembered on my 23rd birthday,you bought me a rose,the red one(even though it was only one but I like it) and brought me to i-City to see the colourful lights... It was a surprise for me,seriously it was...and I was so happy on that day...

But... As we go along the way... When I stepped into working-world and so did you,everything changed... Not drastically but slowly the memories gone... Sometimes,we tried to bring it back into our life but it doesn't last long... We regularly had arguments and quarrelled... Sometimes,we yelled at each other and cried... 

That will be my question. How can we become like this when we're supposed to love each other more and more each day... Sometimes,you are more with your friends rather than me... Thinking that conversations in phone and SMSes will work enough but,unfortunately it is not... The concept is that you cannot lose weight if you exercise and eat those fatty food... 

Huh.... My tears ran fast while I wrote this... I just cannot stand to have an argument with you again and again... Because I love you... Because you're the man in my life... Because I wanted you to be my husband one day... Because I don't want to lose you... But,at the same time... I cannot live with this way too... I just want to have the old you,please.... I missed the old you..

If so happened,we broke up... I want you to know that I will never forget the existence of you in my life... Your sweet talk,your skin,your breathe,your smell,your eyes and everything in you...  I wished I could turn back time so I cold live with all of our sweet memories...