???

All this while, I have listen to you, right...
I accept your advise, right...

But what did you do now?

A Letter to Lover

Dear Lover,

First and foremost, I would like to say sorry to you as being one of human you dislikes. My attitude to you might be horrible and made you obviously mad at me. My questions to you were just fool and cannot be considered as logical thinking. My words to you might be as bad as I'm smashing your head down. Those involving me with you seems so terrible.

I appreciate your kind assistance to cheer, help, guide and advise me. Besides, you have been a wonderful listener to me where I can tell you my exciting experiences, sad stories and you are also my shoulder to cry. I cannot deny that I enjoyed my time being with you. I know you might advise me in any aspects and I am thankful to have you for that reason.

Knowing me as rough, hot-tempered and sensitive, you managed to handle and control me. You know how to approach me when I am happy, mad and sad. You know the right way to speak to me so that I will listen to you. How lucky I am knowing a person like you. But, why can't these last long, my dear? Why can't you consistently repeating the task to me? Why must you treat me like this? Why must you speak to me like there is no tomorrow?

I am disappointed at that time. I was disappointed. I trust you, I believe in you. But you simply hurt me like that. You're slashing my flesh into pieces and you did nothing. You let my blood ran out like a river and you did nothing. Pretending you didn't know what is going on, like you don't ever understand me again. I shall run away from you.

For all memories I had since being with you, I am thankful and glad, because I was given the chance to beloved again. A chance to see the sun shines brightly on top of my skin. A chance to see the new world and feel the fresh air.

I must go now, away from the fantasies world. Goodbye.


Sincerely,
Nadia Nazaruddin

FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE...

i've been thinking of those questions for the last 3 days...i know i was not supposed to ask that matters especially when it comes to religion and God...

"mempersoalkan kebesaran Ilahi itu tak elok"

yeah,i knew it...

well, i started this by seeing all the good things. some of my friends have better job,some of them have a job with a better paid...and both of these categories are happy with their working life... while me, i am still under contract which does not confirm me as a permanent staff. i have applied for some position in the organization but still no news yet, and this makes me feel worry all the time...
i am happy with some of my friends because the got what they want...then,i made my mind, thinking that is not fair...

the same situation goes to people who are beautiful,fair and really gorgeous...why do i dont receive the same thing as them? that was what i think before...i know, God made us with different kind of personalities and also with different kind of looking...

one of my friend had said...

"u can ask everythingn, but eventually, u need to return to the hakikat kejadian, dan semua persoalan harus kembali kepadanya, membuat kita insaf akan kejadian Allah...sebenarnya hakikatnya ialah Allah jadikan itu semua untuk 1. Membuktikan kebesaranNya,diversity is beauty 2. As a principle of balance kat dalam dunia ni, sebab kalau semuanya sama, adakah itu adi?, sebab adil tak semestinya saksama, sebab adil ialah meletakkan sesuatu pada tempatnya, jadik bila Allah jadikan umatnya itu cantik dan kurang cantik (bukan tak cantik nerd) Allah dah meletakkan sesuatu pada tempatnya 3. setiap makhluk Allah dah tentukan rezekinya, sebab tu ada peristilahan "ulat dalam batu pun boleh makan" inikan pula kita manusia..."

yes...i almost forgot that...
and i feel guilty to the God of pointing Him and might be sound like i'm blaming Him...
i had my prayers and pray to the God...show me to your right path...i am grateful for what i have...